the secret of success

This is a special day for my beloved's family, for it is the anniversary of his grandparents.  He is their eldest grandchild, born on their 25th wedding anniversary.  That was a while ago, and a lot has happened since then. 

Sixty-plus years of marriage do not elapse without struggle.  Arriving at this milestone requires each spouse’s commitment every day to living the vocation to which God has called them.  This daily acceptance of God’s will is a choice each spouse makes to work for the good of the other, to love each other as God loves each person.  When asked how they accomplished this feat of longevity, my beloved's grandmother is quick to note that prayer is essential to the equation.  Without a prayerful perspective, the ins and outs of daily life weigh heavily on shoulders with the best of intentions but little foundation upon which to rest.  

The pair who now call me their granddaughter (omitting the "in-law" part) continue to give witness to the power of faith, hope, and love in action by their daily commitment to prayer and self-sacrifice, using words only when necessary to explain with great humility the great blessing they have received of so many years spent hand in hand serving the Lord.  Built on the foundation of sacramental marriage, this couple (like so many others) has seen its share of happiest joys, deepest sorrows, and the gamut of emotions and experiences in between.   Their family and friends rejoice with them on the happy occasion of their anniversary and thank God for the blessing of knowing and learning from this couple as we do.    

Stories like this one serve as inspiration to those wondering how to make marriages last so long or how to keep children close to the faith.  My beloved's grandparents and other long-time married couples like them know the accomplishment is really a blessing that, along with the blessing of relative good health for both spouses, comes through having allowed themselves to be the instruments through which God works out his plan, by cooperating with the Lord through an attitude of self-giving, and by taking up the crosses big and small that the Lord sees fit to place in their paths every day.  This approach has made the Earthly journey the couples have traveled together an altogether happy one, but their ultimate goal is to see each other in Heaven. 

taking notes

close-to-six-year-old younger lad to his sister the four-year-old elder lass,
with whom he is usually a jovial and willing playmate
(even when the game suggested is playing house):
"Why do you like to play mom?"

elder lass: "because you get to have a purse"

In typical fashion, the four-year-old elder lass has zeroed in on an aspect of the world around her and made it the linchpin of her carefully-considered plans.   As a mother, which she wants to be, she'll tote a purse around (likely with several books and who knows what else, like her own mother) -- but she does that already.

The elder lass at four years old has a very basic, age-appropriate understanding of how mamas are built by God to care for babies.  Realizing how closely the lass is watching me, the other women in her life, and her young girl friends (and taking notes, as evidenced by the purse reference, among others), I am ever mindful of my own attitudes, habits, and comments about myself and others.  I'm also humbled to think of imperfect I am, how prone I am to impatience even as I try to handle sticky situations with humor and fortitude.  I hope she and her siblings grow to be better at that than I am.

Yes, I do know she is four years old.  Remember I take a long view.

Should the Lord call the lasses to be mothers someday, I know they will draw from many sources (including the legacy their mother leaves for them) in approaching their journeys, which likely will not be exactly the same as my own.  As they seek to understand themselves and what roles they are called to play in this world, they will find many pundits -- not all of them trustworthy -- all too willing to supply them with information about what it means to be a woman nowadays.  Thankfully, we have recourse to a wealth of good, insightful, and spiritually-sound resources to help them wade through the static.

Just as Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, so too are mothers who are seeking to care for the children entrusted to them both physically and spiritually.  The love we have for our children is a reflection of God's love for us. When we submit to the Lord's will and seek to conform ourselves more closely to it every day, the grace that flows freely is that which makes a job well done possible. 

I pray all our bambini will grow and flourish in the knowledge of God's love for each of them through the care they receive from our hands, so that they might in turn someday lead their little ones to Christ. 

jubilee

It's been a big day on our family calendar, as we've been celebrating my beloved's grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary, my beloved's birthday, and the anniversary of our engagement. The blessings stemming from these milestones are humbling in their magnitude and have been life-giving in many ways. What an honor it is to share in this jubilee.

water under the bridge

With six months elapsed since my last post, I hardly know where to pick up the story.  Most of the fall semester went unchronicled, and here we are nearly halfway through the spring semester of the elder lad's first grade year and younger lad's preschool year.

While this grieves me, I own that I've never been very good at maintaining a journal of any sort for the long haul.  This latest silence can be attributed to several factors, among them a lamentable lack of whatever motivation and ability I had to see the process from thought to written post to completion.  Part of this was owing to external factors (such as an overwhelming amount of the stuff of lowbrow humor to contend with as well as having nary a few moments in which I had both the use of both my hands *and* cognitive function to devote to navel gazing), but a lot of it had to do with me auguring into a git 'er done mode, staying on top of domestic affairs more consistently and not allowing myself to dilly dally at the glowing screen as much.

Highlights of the past six months include

• the elder lad's involvement in Cub Scouts as a Tiger Cub.  He seems to really revel in the challenge of it, and we recognize the potential for his growing in virtue by participating in Scouts.  For inspiration and encouragement he can look to several Scouts in the family.  I'm still trying to figure out the quickest and best way to get those patches and badges on his uniform...
• the transformation of the younger lad to a school boy, one who charges around the school playground playing superhero, rocks his snow boots (aka "moon boots") like nobody's business, and shows an ever-growing capacity for tenderness toward his sisters -- sometimes... 
• celebrating birthday number three for the elder lass (which still sounds weird to me, but neither of these girlies is "wee" anymore, so some other distinction is necessary), who still loves to read and now is showing quite an interest in ballet.  She's about the age her mother was when said mama began taking ballet lessons... 
• an entertaining and enchanting display of the younger lass's (now 19 months old) charm, wit, sweetness -- and chutzpah, as she has no qualms about letting us know exactly what she thinks and how she feels...

Along with these highlights and several poignant opportunities for keeping things in perspective has come a greater awareness of the beauty that lies in accepting and fulfilling some aspects of this vocation of wife and mother that aren't anything anyone would call glamorous (see aforementioned reference to that which the Honeywagon ferries away) -- if I choose to look at it that way -- and more gratitude than ever for all the many blessings with which we've been showered.

I wouldn't call the past six months the most prayerful of my existence, although I hope to offer the work that has gone on during this time -- and continues -- as such. 

As for all the soundbytes and family birthdays and books we've read together, at this moment they seem to be water under the bridge.  Perhaps I'll be able to reclaim some of them.  I still struggle mightily with "brain fog", so we'll see what cuts through the haze.

For everything there is a season.  This one in our family life continues to be very full of minute-to-minute changes in climate and conditions, and that takes a lot of stamina -- not to mention prayers.  Please continue to keep us in yours. 

seventh anniversary

Holding a bouquet of white roses like these in one hand and with my other hand tucked inside my beloved's, I walked toward the altar of our diocesan Cathedral.  These first steps on the path of our shared vocation seem both recent and long-ago, with so many blessings,challenges, joys, and sorrows to have come our way since that morning seven years ago today.  By God's grace we are still walking hand in hand.  For this and for so many reasons to celebrate every day, I am more grateful today than ever before.

God calling

The pastor emeritus of the parish I served as director of music and liturgy in my former life rang me on the telephone this afternoon.  He called to wish me early felicitations for the feast of St. Polycarp, a saint this pastor holds in high esteem who the Church remembers in a special way tomorrow (February 23rd).  Come to think of it, he calls me every year on February 22nd, I think to make sure I remember that tomorrow is his favorite saint's feast day, but mainly to capitalize on an opportunity for a quick hello and aural snapshot of how we're doing here now that I don't see him in the church office on a daily basis.

It might as well have been God himself calling me this afternoon speaking through the voice of this Irish Catholic priest who has long and often affirmed mothers tending to their young children.  He never fails to offer concrete words of encouragement such as "it's important work you're doing," or recognize the intensity of our experiences -- albeit in a lighthearted way such as good-naturedly teasing a mother in a grocery store with multiple children in and hanging off of the shopping cart by asking her what she does in her spare time. His timing was impeccable today, as we were in the throes of Happy Hour here.  The pick-me-up was much needed and appreciated. 

My friend the St. Polycarp fan was instrumental to my having a profession as a liturgical musician before my vocation of marriage led me to motherhood (as he was the pastor of that parish when it instituted the full time position I held for a few years), and he's instrumental now in my living out this vocation of marriage and motherhood.  Having served Christ in untold numbers of faces over the years in various pastoral capacities and still now in retirement, this man of God brings Christ to those who seek him and those who might otherwise not be looking for him, simply by encouraging us in our daily doings with uplifting words and sometimes ornery humor.  God love him.

on the eve of our anniversary

On this night six years ago, the eve of our wedding, I didn't foresee snuggling three bambini for bedtime stories while the eldest played one last game of checkers for the day with his dad.  As I wrote, though, in the column that ran in the diocesan newspaper the day after we got married, the care of these children is part of the "shared vocation to which God has called [us] -- the one which He has seen fit to will for us so that we may help each other prepare to meet Him at the end of our earthly lives."

For the call to this vocation and the myriad blessings of this life together, I am profoundly and humbly grateful.

on Mother's Day

Growing up I often thought I'd have four or five children -- and, like so many girls, I had names picked out from early on.  None of my actual children have any of those names.  And that's OK.  Like so many other ideas my seventh-grade self had, things haven't worked out exactly as I thought they would.

This mothering business has been uniquely and immensely challenging for me, and I know it will remain so for a long time to come.  It isn't as I envisioned before I actually became a mom.  It is both better and far more difficult than I could've guessed.  Sometimes time passes so quickly that I have no idea where it goes -- it's a blur of Mack trucks, dishes, diapers, Legos, laundry, books, meltdowns, tickle fests, baby dolls, snacks, silliness, sniffles, messes, tears, and laughter.

But here's the thing: with my beloved, these children entrusted to our care are pivotal to our path to heaven.  The way we respond to Christ present in each of these children (as well as in each other and those around us) is the stuff of this life -- the main point. 

I once heard in a homily a story of some brick layers.  One saw his work as that of just piling up one brick after another day after day.  Another was spreading mortar and laying bricks with a similar attitude.  Their colleague, on the other hand, doing the same rote tasks, knew that he was building a cathedral.

It is easy for me lose sight of the forest for the trees, but then by some miracle I'm blessed with the awareness that in fact I'm here to help these children become the person God calls each of them to be, so that when the time comes for them to discern his will for their lives, they will be equipped to do that. 

Whatever my shortcomings as a person and mother -- and there are many -- I pray God will make up the difference between what I can offer to my children and what they need at any given moment.  By his grace, they will draw upon the lessons of their childhood to become true heirs and willing servants of God and neighbor, knowing without question of their mother's love for them.

girlfriends

Shortly after I accepted the post as director of music and liturgy way back in the day, I received a note in the mail from the director of religious education at the parish welcoming me aboard and thanking me for taking the job.  I had met her a few times already because I had been playing the early Sunday morning Mass at the parish for a few months before taking on the full time job, but I didn't know her very well.  That gesture of friendship and hospitality was the beginning of a very dear friendship that continues today.

She is a mentor to me in many ways, especially in living out this vocation of marriage and motherhood.  She has two sons and a daughter close in age like I do -- but they're teenagers now, so she has much-needed perspective, experience, and insight to offer me.  She shares my affinity for chocolate, and she is my elder lad's Godmother.  We are bonded forever in a special sort of sisterhood.  Her sensitivity and faith-informed insights have proven invaluable aids to many seeking spiritual direction, hope, healing, and renewal.  She is a reflection Christ's love to everyone she encounters.

Today is her birthday.  I wish for her a year full of blessings, hope, joy, peace, and grace.  Love and cheers to you, girlfriend...

offline

Few things cause me to go from zero to 60 on the consternation scale like computer troubles -- specifically, being offline.  I am inclined to bang my head against the wall in utter frustration when this happens, though I (usually) restrain myself only because I know in my rational mind (such as it is) that doing so will not get me back online.

This morning I went offline, not voluntarily, but because of some hardware issues that have since been resolved.  A similar thing happened on Good Friday last year, and by God's grace I was able to recognize (after some initial internal grumbling and kvetching) the opportunity presented to me.  I chose on that day to view it as an imposed Internet fast and offer it up as a sacrifice, and I did so again today; it's a particularly fitting Lenten mortification for me when I am not in a position to fast from food on account of my gestating status.

Having the Internet connection is something of great importance to me for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which being the connection it affords me with people I love and value.  This connection is vital to me.  Without it, I easily turn fussy or even anxious. 

The most important connection for me to have is that with Christ.  I don't need an Internet connection to maintain that (though having one does help edify this connection by providing access to a wealth of spiritual resources). In the fulfillment of my vocation as wife and mother, Christ is my most important resource.

Still -- I'm so glad to be back online -- even if it is past my bedtime.

morning people

Next to the sink in our laundry room, there's a framed picture of my beloved and me we took of ourselves the morning we got engaged (oh happy day!) in a local park.  The picture's been there for a while, but just in the past few days each of our bambini has commented on it.  Our lass flashes a big grin and says "da da da da..."  The elder lad asked if that picture is from before when he was born.  We confirm as such.  The younger lad took notice of it as he stashed a toy on the counter on the way out the door to the garage: "there's you and Daddy!"

On that beautiful morning my beloved asked me to serve God with him in this vocation of marriage.  From the two of us (with God's help), this family has grown into five (soon to be six).  It is my fervent prayer and earnest endeavor to do my part to make our marriage a reflection of the bond between Christ and his Church, something which I believe is one of the greatest gifts we can give our bambini.  Their identities are rooted in Christ and the family in which he has placed them, so it is only fitting we make the inherent structure of that family a living sign of Christ's grace at work.

A lot has happened in the six years since we took that photo.  God willing, it was the first day of many to be spent serving the Lord hand in hand with my beloved.