all a-twitter: Easter books

Here we are in Holy Week, the holiest of our liturgical year.  Beginning with Palm Sunday, we go through Holy Week to Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and -- at long last and with great joy -- Easter Sunday.

To mark the solemnity of the week with our bambini, we have a couple of books in our home library that are particularly fitting for this week, both featuring birds as the primary characters experiencing Christ's love for them:

The Easter Swallows by Vicki Howie is a telling for young children of Christ's passion and death through the eyes of a pair of swallows.  They see Christ ministering to the people around Jerusalem, then on the evening of the Passover they spot Judas leaving the Last Supper to hand Jesus over to the Roman authorities.  Dismayed as they are, they remain faithful to Jesus and follow the events that lead to his crucifixion and resurrection, ultimately rejoicing on Easter morning.

Meryl Doney's The Very Worried Sparrow is the story of a perpetually fretful little sparrow too scared of bad things happening to be able to hear the good news of "God our Father, who made the world and everything in it."  From his childhood until he becomes a father himself, he lives in constant fear.  Finally he is able to hear the comforting and hopeful message of God's love for him and all creatures, and the sparrow's worry turns to joy.

By fun coincidence, both sets of birds have four baby birds -- like our family soon will.

Both books are available via the Pauline website.

sibling revelry (or something like that)

This whole sibling relationship thing is one of the biggest quagmires of my mothering mission.  How do I foster peaceful, respectful relationships (I'm not even talking about *friendships* at this point) among these little people that will serve as the basis for friendships (there it is) to last throughout their lives?  Can this be done without micro-managing everything but also not abandoning children to figure things out for themselves with no tools or training on how to do so such that one ends up always bearing the brunt of another's ire or being bullied?  Is there a way to cultivate positive feelings between and among them without forcing affections that may not be authentic (at least, not now)?

Siblings are among the greatest gifts parents can give their children, as these people (ideally) serve as lifelong ties to family and God himself.  Getting my bambini to the point of having this kind of relationship is something to which I devote a huge amount of time and energy every day.  It is an extension of my basic day-to-day agenda: form these young souls in the virtues and values Christ shows by his own example to be the way we are called to live this life. 

I have one sister.  She's almost 17 (we collaborate on this blog).  This means that I was nearly 15 when she was born, so we are essentially two only children sharing the same mother (who is an only child) and father.  We have always had a special relationship, but it does not feature the typical sibling dynamics that involve sharing toys and taking turns riding shotgun and what not.  Most of the insights into sibling dynamics I have come from the three cousins (sisters, they are) I spent many a summer with in Chicago, along with those I gleaned growing up with the family of three boys and the girl who inherited many of my outgrown clothes.  I now have two brothers-in-law, one of whom will soon celebrate his first anniversary of marriage to my lovely sister-in-law.

I've read a few books on the topic of siblings (among them Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish of How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk fame, which I also have read -- more than once now) hoping to find some instructions, really, on navigating the tumultuous waters of sibling relations.  I think in the end, though, it comes down to helping the littles understand our individual identities as children of God.

I hope to instill within each of our bambini the knowledge that he or she is God's unique creation with a place in our family that his or hers alone.  It is because of this God-given identity that we love each of these children for who they are and who God will call them to become.  Each of us in the family has some role to play in the formation of the rest of us -- we are each a part of another's path to holiness and heaven.

I realize that in the course of childhood -- especially one with siblings as close in age as our bambini are -- conflict, upset, disappointment, frustration, and even jealousy are not entirely avoidable.   None of us is perfect, and we will unfortunately hurt each other at some point and need to seek forgiveness.  But in working out these kinks of self-control and emotional management, I hope to help us all learn to recognize within ourselves those things that set us off (so to speak) as well as the things that set each other off and avoid or work through them so that when they present themselves they don't lead to someone getting hurt physically or emotionally.  At times this seems an impossible goal, but I have to believe and keep working as though it is not.

When our lass was born, our elder lad was especially excited to meet and hold her, and he remains (for the most part) quite taken with her.  I'll always remember the deepest belly laughs we've ever heard from her coming in response to some silly faces he made at her when she was about four months old.  He also seems to have a lot of fun with his younger brother a lot of the time, discussing trucks or jamming with their banjos to classic rock music or digging in the yard.  Our younger lad has a great capacity for generosity and kindness; he often says things like "I love my sister" or "I love you" to his brother (who usually answers in kind).   

As sweet as those moments are, there are also times like in the not-so-distant past when the younger lad would tell his brother to go to Dallas, as it happened that my beloved had made several brief business trips there *and* we had family traveling to or from Dallas, so it must have seemed to a very young child like Dallas was the place where people were when they weren't here.  

Both lads often show great gentleness and deference to the lass when she toddles up to get in the middle of their Lego structure or makes a move for one of their trucks.  They'll usually ask me for help or offer her some other toy as a distraction from the ones they're playing with.  As she gets older, she's less easily dissuaded.  They keep trying. 

But then the time comes when someone gets fed up and smacks someone else or says something like "I don't like you".  It happens.  I can't help but get upset when one of my children hurts another one.  I know it's imperative for me to channel that feeling into a productive one that helps them all learn the virtues of self-control, temperance, justice, and kindness.  Likewise, as with many other struggles that seem to be par for the course in this season of our family life, a sense of humor and levity go a long way in restoring peace, soothing hurts, and moving us all past the cause of trouble and into a better place.

I don't expect perfect peace here, but can't they all just get along?

proper party priorities

The culmination of birthday festivities for our three-year-old younger lad came in the form of a family gathering at our "skruction" site (translation: "construction site.").  We are grateful for all the family who were able to be with us today, and missed the ones who weren't able to make the trip.

Planning and executing a child's birthday party is -- like many other things relating to parenthood -- a balancing act.  I try not to overextend myself with party plans and projects, since the surest way to communicate celebration and birthday excitement is by being present to the one whose birthday it is.  While I might have lots of ideas and grandiose plans for everything I want to do for a birthday party, in the end it's A. not about me and B. all subject to being able to balance getting the things done with quality interaction with the one being celebrated (for some party preparations, these two things can be reconciled with each other quite happily by doing them together).

Getting the house ready for company and decorated festively, the cake baked and decorated, and the menu set are all ways of showing the honoree love, but I try not to get so caught up in those things that I miss moments like the one that happened in the midst of the party when the younger lad and I excused ourselves to freshen up.  He threw his arms around me and said "I love you, Mama."  Or stepping away from the food preparations to take in the sight of the birthday lad and his brother back in the dirt pile, the younger lad with a balloon tied to his back belt loop to serve as his T-Rex tail.    Or visiting with family we hadn't seen in a while.  

We are very blessed to have lots of help pulling off these birthday celebrations.  Each one offers unique gifts and talents to address some aspect of the details -- decorations, menu, house-keeping... This helps tremendously, and I'm so grateful for the loving help offered and given.  

We've had a lot of fun celebrating the younger lad's third birthday, and we're so grateful for the many blessings and great joy we know because of his being an irreplaceable part of our family.  That's the whole reason we celebrate.

in their element

It's been a long time dream of my beloved's to have an organic vegetable garden in our backyard.  He's been working on the planters since last fall, but due to a variety of circumstances (among them life with young children and the wiles of the weather), the boxes are only just recently in the ground.  Today he went for a big load of dirt to dump into them.  One can imagine the excitement this might elicit from our lads.  They were rarin' to go with their boots on and shovels ready when he got home with the dirt.

The memory of the lads out there with their shovels and trucks will stay with me for a long time (but I took pictures too).  My nearly 17 year old sister has been spending the weekend with us helping get ready for our newly-minted three year old's family birthday party tomorrow afternoon, so while the menfolk were outside dealing in dirt, we were inside getting ready for the party.

I stuck my head out the back door at one point to ask how things were going.  The elder lad replied ebulliently "great!  We could use some help here.  Want to come out?"

'scuze me?  Dirt doesn't hold quite the same attraction for me. (though I do love seeing them so happy covered in it)

"Um... I'm working on getting ready for the birthday party tomorrow. Could I get you a water refill, though?"

"Sure!"  he replied. 

Now if we can get them to eat the veggies that issue forth from this lovingly-constructed and tilled garden, that would be really something...

my third arm

On nearly every outing, I wear the wee lass in a ring sling, just as I wore the younger lad in one before she came along.  I almost always get a comment or inquiry about it.  People will often take note of how content she looks snuggled up on me, or how she can see everything, or how they wish they had those things when their kids were little.  Some want to know if it's comfortable or if it hurts my back (it *is* comfortable so long as it's on correctly, though I do feel tired if I wear her in it for a long time). 

Babywearing is commonplace in many cultures around the world, but it's attracted some negative press lately because of a government warning on the potential dangers of infants suffocating in them (in a particular "bag" style, I should say). Not all slings and baby carriers are created equal or hold the baby in the same way.

Just as with any other piece of baby gear -- cribs, swings, car seats, and bouncers included -- caregivers need to use common sense and educate themselves on the correct usage of slings so as to insure their wee  bundle's safety and comfort.  The slings I have come with instructional videos that are also posted on their websites, and I've spent lots of time practicing getting the babes situated just so before setting out on any shopping jaunts or other excursions. 

Speaking personally and as I did when I dispensed some unsolicited advice for weathering pregnancy sickness, here are some further thoughts I have on babywearing based on my own experience...

I wore the elder lad in a wrap like these occasionally, though I found it to be cumbersome and in need of adjusting a lot.  It was difficult to nurse in, but it *was* comfortable to wear once we were situated because the weight is distributed over both shoulders.   I got my first ring sling when my younger lad was about two months old and have always loved how easy and quick it is to get on, off, and adjust.  It goes over one shoulder, though, so the weight is localized more on side.  If the fabric is spread out over my back as it's supposed to be, this is usually not a problem.  That first ring sling is a versatile steely gray-blue color.  When the lass was born, my mom gave me a girly pink one with butterflies and polka dots and other lovely images.   Now I'm able to coordinate my outfits to my slings.  :)

When both lads got to be about a year old, I switched to a carrier similar to an ERGO, which can be worn on either the front or the back (though the particular Patapum I have is for bigger babies or toddlers, which is why I wait so long to use it; the ERGO and another style of Patapum can be used from infancy).  When the weather is such that I don't need to wear a jacket or coat *and* when the lass gets a little bigger, I'll dig out this carrier again (if I can manage it with my baby belly). I practiced and practiced (and will again) getting the babes onto my back in this carrier at home on the sofa or in front of a mirror so that I'd be adept at and safely able to get the "slingling" (i.e. the baby in the sling) on my back at whatever location we happen to be.

There are several online resources for babywearing, including some to help one figure out which type of carrier might be best for him- or herself.  One such site is thebabywearer.com, which presently has links to several sling safety sites but also has extensive information and reviews on the various styles and brands of carriers.  (One such page on sling safety is on Babywearing International's site; thebabywearer.com has its own safety pages, and each sling manufacturer has information on safe wearing.)

Choosing a sling is a very personal thing, and many babywearing mamas I know have two -- if not several -- types of slings they use for different situations and durations.  The many documented benefits to wearing babies include facilitating bonding and nursing (the latter of the two I've yet to master but will have another go at here in a few months), aiding Baby's digestion, and reducing fussiness, among many others.

With any sling, there is a learning curve and a window of adjustment for both the baby wearer and the slingling.  So long as the carrier is on correctly, if the baby fusses when first put in the sling, often it helps to get up and moving for a bit of a walk to help the baby settle in.  If the fussing continues, it's a sure sign to stop and check everything is kosher.

I call my sling "my third arm."  I could not function as I do without my sling.  I can keep my littlest babe close to me where each of them has always preferred to be, care for my other children, attend to many (but not all) household duties with careful consideration to how I move or get up and down so as not to pitch the babe forward, and go to the store/playground/library/wherever with free hands and baby able to see everything from "the catbird seat," as one manufacturer describes it. 

Given my multitasking mandate, slings help me fulfill the many duties in my charge.  The babes are content and things get done.  Wearing the babies has saved me untold amounts of hassle and struggle with infant car seats (ours is particularly cumbersome) and strollers (my babies never seem to want to ride in them very long until they get a little older, so I'm stuck holding a baby and pushing an empty stroller), and allowed me to manage  two or more children at the grocery store by having one (or two) in the cart and one slung on me.

I welcome the inquiries I receive on babywearing, and hope my experience can help other caregivers and their precious cargo.

perspective

A week or so ago, my friend paralyzed as a complication of bacterial meningitis moved out of the local hospital to one equipped to teach her how to live life to the fullest in her present state while maintaining hope that she will one day regain movement.

The thought of her being hundreds of miles away from her family and friends while she tries to heal is one that weighs heavily on my mind.  In fact, the enormity of her situation is something that I struggle to understand -- and don't really think I can -- but I don't believe God has caused this to happen to her.   As this homily by Fr. Jack Gleason from the Third Sunday of Lent addresses, that is not how God operates.

While I can't explain why my friend is suffering so greatly (and each in their own way her husband, children, family, and friends), my faith tells me it is not without meaning.  I can find great hope and strength of faith in seeing the ways people have responded to this family's crisis.  Untold numbers of people are praying for her recovery and for the protection and well being of her children and family.  Her direct caretakers and those caring for her children have had and continue to have opportunities to give comfort, offer aid, show mercy, and allay anxiety.  And each one of us aware of her situation cannot help but be moved to consider the multitude of blessings and gifts bestowed upon each of us -- down to the very gifts of life and breath.

I continue to pray God's will be done in my mama friend's life and in the course it takes from here.  If it is his will, I pray she is restored to complete health with full use of her body.  Considering the road she is on helps keep the road I travel each day in proper perspective.  Each of us is not without struggle or difficulty or pain, but most of the time what I face as a result of fatigue or stress or whatever else pales in comparison to what she must grapple with.

The move to this hospital is one that will, as our mutual friend has written, teach her "how to live in her home, with her family, raising her children."  So many people suffer so greatly in so many different ways.  Never far from mind are my Aunt Robin and my friend Jake, who both lost battles with cancer at early ages, and the many people in my family and friends who struggle with chronic illness and the grief of having lost loved ones.  Disease and suffering are never easily understood for anyone of any age.  When they strike "young" people, it is even more difficult to comprehend.    Keeping this in mind helps me maintain some perspective -- specifically, the grace to be grateful for the particular cross Christ calls me to carry, knowing that he will supply all the grace and aid to carry it, and that such suffering is not without value when joined to those Christ endured on the cross.

It seems my friend has been living Lent in a very tangible way since late January when she fell ill.  I pray as Easter approaches, she and all those who suffer will know Christ's healing grace.

three years -- all in a day

It's been a day of celebration here, as our younger lad turns three today.  There have been trips in "the big truck" with Daddy to the hardware store to check out the riding lawnmowers and various other offerings, then later (in the Bambini Ride) to the ice cream shop and (water-logged) park.  Grandparents came for dinner and truck-themed birthday cake.  The birthday lad and his siblings climbed all over each other reaching for toys both just-unwrapped and those brought out from the closet to compliment the new ones (and there might have been words to the effect of negotiating whose turn it was with the brand new this or that).

All this we've done to honor and celebrate the lad who brings us such joy on a daily basis with his sunny disposition, funny little running commentary and facial expressions, endearing declarations of love, and generous spirit toward those around him. 

I may have intuited that he was a girl the entire time I was expecting him, but I am ever grateful for the lad he is.  I look forward to getting to know the man he will one day grow to be, and pray that the time between now and then passes only at a pace such that I'm able to fully relish each burst of laughter, display of affection, sound effect, and opportunity to be his Mama. 

Birthday blessings upon you, dear lad.  We love and cherish you.