live long and prosper

Were I to label my parenting style, I would probably call it "Golden Rule Parenting" more than anything else -- though I probably wouldn't label it now (I would have in my first few years of mothering).  When I think seriously, though, about the kind of parenting I wish to practice and need some pointers on how to accomplish that, the best answers come from prayer and meditation on how Christ would want me to treat him in the little people whose care he has entrusted to me.

In the quest to hone and refine my mothering skills, I've read a lot of parenting books (though not Dr. Spock's iconic tome).  Sometimes I need some gentle reminders (or reassurance) from "experts" to help me keep my priorities straight and my insecurities in check.  One such person I look to for this is St. John Bosco, who dedicated his life to the education of disadvantaged boys.  He took a three-pronged approach to his "preventive system" of discipline: reason, religion, and kindness.  Don Bosco's religious order continues to educate young people and serve Christ in the underprivileged and suffering among us to this day, almost 125 years after his death, with this same approach. 

Of all the experts out there whose influence can have significant impact on my parenting (good or bad) and, by extension, the interactions I have with my bambini, Don Bosco is arguably among one of the best.  He is a fixture in our family litany of saints.  When I find myself on thin ice, I will often ask for his intercession on my behalf.  When I happen to get something right handling some delicate situation, I can only imagine Don Bosco's prayers might've helped in that accomplishment.

Don Bosco, pray for us!

good guy

Good St. Joseph*, protector of Mary and Jesus,
pray for my beloved this day,
  and for our fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, cousins, friends,
  and those who have no earthly models of virtuous men.

May your example serve as an inspiration and aid in the loving, humble service
  they render to us, their loved ones,
and may your prayers and ours on their behalf
  be instruments of God's grace working in each of them.

Amen.

*For an explanation of the significance of St. Joseph Day to our family, check out last year's post.

(not so) secret santa

me, conducting an impromptu poll: "What do you think Daddy might like for Christmas?"

lass: "green!"
younger lad: "a green ax!"
elder lad: "a green remote-controlled hot rod!"

We may or may not have looked for these things as we shopped for the children whose gifts we signed up to procure from our parish's Angel Tree as part of our St. Nicholas Day festivities.

This alms-giving aspect of the feast day is equally as important as (if not more so than) the treats our bambini found by their shoes on the hearth this morning (fresh crayons, clementines, and small squares of chocolate wrapped in gold paper).  That's why I chose to go through with the shopping after school (i.e. approaching Happy Hour) and in spite of the chill in the air.  

We are humbled by the tremendous blessings God continues to lavish upon us.  It is our honor and duty to share these with those less fortunate than ourselves, and to teach our bambini to tend to the needs of others  that go unmet.  It involves learning we don't always get what we want when we want it, but God always provides for our needs.

Case in point: a green remote-controlled hot rod...

on Father's Day

If we form our image of God largely by our father's influence on our lives, then the one I have is of a strong, gentle, wise, loving, merciful, generous, benevolent creator and caretaker quick to respond to pleas for help and stability in the face of adversity.  Thank you, Dad.

Our bambini are blessed to have a father who considers their needs, feelings, and the formation of their eternal souls in his decisions on their behalf and that of our family.  He is quick to hug, reticent to criticize, happy to provide some comic relief -- and able to discern the need for each of these in real time.  Thank you, my beloved.

The delight our bambini display each time my father-in-law appears speaks volumes about his influence on their lives and mine.  He brings joy, shares wisdom, and models devotion in his radiant smile and talent for merriment.  I am thankful to be his daughter-in-law -- one of his girls along with the lass and my lovely sister-in-law.

These hard-working men learned these fathering skills from men singularly devoted to them and their own families.  I am profoundly grateful for the gifts and sacrifices of self these men and their brothers in both familial relation and friendship make every day in service to their children, grandchildren, and spouses. 

May the prayers of Good Saint Joseph, foster father of Jesus and guardian of the Holy Family, remain with each of you, and may his example always be a source of inspiration and strength.

In a special way I pray for those without such fathers to depend upon by whatever circumstance.  In this absence, may God draw ever closer by the care of others who might serve as father figures in one way or another, revealing his tenderness to those who so desperately need it.

a man's man

Had our younger lad, who will turn three next week, been born on this day *and* a girl (which I thought he was the entire time he was in utero), I would've been strongly inclined to name her Lily.  This would be in honor of St. Joseph, husband of the Blessed Virgin Mary and foster father of Jesus, whose feast day we celebrate today.  The lily is one of the symbols associated with St. Joseph, as many stories speak of Joseph's staff flowering with lilies to indicate his being God's choice as her spouse.

Since the year my beloved and I became engaged (shortly after this feast day), I have made it a point to observe the feast of St. Joseph as a day to honor the husbands and fathers (and uncles and brothers) in my family and that of my beloved's.  In some countries it is celebrated as Father's Day, and I love the idea of incorporating the liturgical feasts into family life for days like today.

In past years I've tried to make the day special for these valiant men in my life -- my beloved, my dad, my father-in-law, and my grandfather-in-law, among the many other honorable men among our family and friends -- in a variety of ways, usually involving such things as lilies -- either fresh or pictured on a card, and/or by going to daily Mass to pray for their intentions.  None of that happened today.   These men I love and cherish and for whom I am grateful beyond words have been in my thoughts and prayers all day, even if I didn't make as big a deal out of the day as I might've liked to.

When it comes to seeking the counsel and prayers of a wise, honorable, holy, devoted husband and father to serve as inspiration and aid to men trying to live out these virtues in their own vocations, there is no better man either living or dead than Good St. Joseph. He was a fully human, hard-working man, one who knew all too well the struggles men face in their daily lives.  His prayers garner the attention of Christ, and I have every confidence St. Joseph prays in earnest for every man married or single, father or not, that each one may be the person Christ calls him to be in whatever station of life he may be, and that each man may serve Christ by serving those around him. 

So to the men who have worked and continue to work so hard to take care of me, our bambini, our family, and countless untold others, today I thank and wish you all the blessings of a happy feast day.  May Good St. Joseph remember you today and every day in his prayers, and may the humble example of loving service to his family always be a source of strength and inspiration for you as you endeavor to do the same with such devotion and tenderness.  I love you all so much.

St. Nicholas Day

Yesterday we celebrated the Feast of Saint Nicholas, patron saint of (among others) children, brides, and sailors, who serves as a sort of historical basis for our modern day Santa Claus. He was actually a saint born in the third century who became Bishop of Myra in what is modern day Turkey, perhaps best known for the example of charity he gave by providing the dowries for a family of young ladies too poor to wed otherwise.    

Celebrating this feast day is a significant part of our Advent observance, as it places a premium on the consideration of the needy at this otherwise extravagant (at least, in the worldly sense) time of year.  Every year since our elder lads' first Christmas, we select children our own children's ages from our parish church's angel tree to buy Christmas gifts for.  Last week we went shopping, and the lads helped select things they thought "their boys" would like, such as trucks or blocks or puzzles, as well as some sorely-needed things like hats, mittens, hoodies, and pajamas.  They also helped choose gifts for a girl our lass's age, like diaper supplies, some soft blocks, and jammies.  It wasn't easy at first to choose some fun-looking toys to give to someone else we'll likely never meet, but the thought of other children without such things resonated with the lads, and they soon were thinking of ways to show even greater generosity.

This "Saint Nicholas shopping" is an opportunity to discuss our responsibility to those who cannot meet their own basic needs, a responsibility we feel keenly.  The need for almsgiving knows no season, but Advent is an especially ideal time to answer that need with joy, and to help our children live the virtues of charity, generosity, and kindness. 

St. Nicholas Day isn't meant to be a mini-Christmas morning, but it *is* a day to celebrate the beautiful children in our lives.  Ours awoke to encounter a few little surprises throughout the day.  Some families leave chocolate coins, clementines, walnuts, or other yummy treats in their stockings.  Seeing as how our children don't have stockings (Mama wants to make those in her spare time, so they may be waiting a while.), I drew some on paper sacks for the lads' treat bags.  They were very understanding.

We have a few books about Saint Nicholas that we read each year.  One we particularly like is Santa, Are You For Real?  by Harold Myra (strange coincidence, the author's last name and the city of St. Nicholas's ministerial service).  It's a book my beloved's parents read to him and his brothers as a child, and seeks to answer the question head on in a way that keeps the focus on Christ and the magic of the legend alive.

Another is Saint Nicholas: The Real Story of the Christmas Legend by Julie Stiegemeyer, which despite its title is actually a fictional story.  This book's strength lies in its personification of the key players in the whole gold-in-the-stocking story.

As we journey forward toward Christmas, we hope to carry the spirit of Saint Nicholas with us, keeping in mind his devotion to Christ especially in children and the poor and needy.  Considering Christ's humble birth and His reassurance that whatever we do for the least of His people we do for Him, we know we can only fully experience His joy by also embracing His cross and His mission of love and charity.

our family Litany of Saints

My least favorite, overly-secularized holiday behind us, we celebrate with hope and joy the feast of All Saints Day.  In our Christian tradition, this day serves as one to honor the saints -- that is, those who are in heaven -- both those given the title of "saint" on Earth and those known to God alone.  

We can think of the saints as friends outside of this life. They may not be living in the sense that we can see and touch them, but they *are* living.   And more importantly, they can pray for us.  Thus, we ask their intercession and trust that they include us in their prayers to God the Father.

As a liturgical musician, one of the most profoundly moving experiences of my service has been the musical praying of the Litany of the Saints, asking for God's mercy for our sinfulness and seeking the prayers of the Blessed Virgin Mary, her husband St. Joseph, and a host of holy men and women named saints, prophets, patriarchs, and martyrs.

Some saints by circumstances of their lives or virtue of their particular accomplishments have been named patron saints of certain groups of people, places, or life events. 

For our family we have crafted our own litany of saints.  Whether by virtue of their status as patrons of particular people in our family or attributes one or several of us possess (or hope to), we seek their prayers:

*Mary our mother, Queen of Peace
*Good Saint Joseph, patron of (among others) fathers, husbands, protectors; "a righteous man" (Matthew 1:18)
*St. Monica, patron of wives
*St. Nicholas of Myra, patron of (among others) children
*St. Gerard Majella, patron of expectant mothers
*St. Catherine of Siena
*St. Gianna Beretta Molla
*St. John Bosco, patron of (among others) boys, students, and young people
*St. James (the brother of John)
*St. Francis de Sales, patron of (among others) writers and educators
*John Paul the Great (his cause for canonization is underway, but not yet complete; still we trust he can offer his prayers for us)
*holy saints and angels
pray for us

Just as we ask for the prayers of and even advice from loved ones here on Earth, so we do of the saints in heaven.  We hope to emulate their particular qualities of holiness in our quest for everday sanctity.  God willing, we will one day be counted among them in heaven.