easier said than done

I know where I stand with my three-year-old.  One minute, I'm a "good mom," and the next I'm the opposite.

This valuation depends upon his perception of my cooperation with his desires, so if I dole out yet another yogurt refill or get that toy down off the high shelf (that was put there for a reason) or snuggle him close, I'm a "good mom."  If  I attempt to enforce the "eat what you take" rule or deny access to some plaything that has gotten him in trouble before, I'm a "bad mom."

These designations confound me, as we don't judge our children or anyone else as "bad."   We teach our children that God creates us all good, but we each sometimes make bad choices.  

When my lad renders these judgments I thank him for the positive ones and ask him to rephrase the disparaging ones.  Under no circumstances do whining or insults result in the fussed-for outcome.  This goes for all of us.

He's not really out to get me.  He's three.  Three-year-olds can be like that.  Whenever possible I try to use humor to deflect the negativity and get us to a place of resolution.  For this child especially, this approach is the most effective.  It is, however, easier said than done.

I haven't felt much like laughing things off of late.  I get pretty tired of the fussing, and I let that be known (often in a fussy voice of my own).  Usually, though, fussiness answered with fussiness only exacerbates the problem. 

My younger lad has a delightful sense of humor, vast imagination, sensitive heart, great concern for others, and a fun-loving spirit.  He also has a way with words, an admirable way of expressing himself that I wish to encourage and guide.  I am interested in his thoughts and feelings, but I expect him to express them respectfully. 

We all have our moments of brilliance and those where we know we didn't quite make the grade.  My better mothering moments are marked by humor, gentleness, and a certain perspective that serves as a reminder that I am for whatever reason the adult here, the one who has the final say in spite of whatever protests may come.