vaporlocked

The moms from my elder lad's kindergarten class gathered last night to catch up after the long snow break.  I really wanted to go, but I didn't.

It wasn't that I didn't want to socialize and develop relationships with those moms.  I did. 

It wasn't that I didn't need some time to regroup after a day frought with the emotional highs and lows of life with four young children.  I did.

As much as I would have loved to have gone to the gathering of moms from my elder lad's kindergarten class last night, when it came down to it, the price was too high to pay for a few hours out on this particular school night -- for everyone. 

Yes, I know Mama needs some time to herself.  Yes, I know Mama needs to have friendships with peers such as those in this group.  Yes, I know it's just a few hours of one evening every once in a while.  Yes, I know it's good for my bambini to rely on other people (such as their father) for some things.   Yes, I know everyone benefits from Mama having aspects of life outside of child- and home-tending. Yes, I know I might come across as deferring too much to an overly child-centric approach at the expense of my own needs.

This was the discourse chattering in my brain much of the day as I weighed the decision to go.  I was one big stress ball about it, as I could all too easily imagine a frantic baby, a Kindergartner up too late because of that, and the two middle littles similarly upset by the departure from our routine.  I had my beloved's support either way I decided (for which I am so grateful), but I really wrestled with making a decision and being at peace about it.

Striking the balance between caring for these young children and tending to my own spiritual, physical, and psychological needs is an ever-present challenge.  I am actively working on ways to develop and nurture friendships as well as my own faith life without causing undue stress on my six-month-old baby who is by her God-given nature meant to be at home with her mother at bedtime (and everyone else at the same time).

Maybe I make too much of it, but in our particular circumstances with three other young children, this is how it is for the time being.  It won't always be this way.  Maybe things will be different even by the time the moms get together again next month.

We go one day at a time around here.  I may miss out on some fun and worthwhile things, but in choosing to stay home with my littles and my beloved and end the day in peace, I haven't missed a thing.