oh my. look at the time.

I consider myself a fairly decent manager of time.  Or at least, I try to be.    With three children age four and under, though, the passage of my time is not something I can fully control.  By experience, I have acquired a certain sense of time budgeting that allows for the requisite meeting of temporal needs like feeding, diapering, and dressing of my bambini with a certain time in mind as my deadline for starting what I call our "boarding process" if we are to go somewhere.  This involves buckling the three of them in their car seats and loading what might be too much stuff to cart along with us to our destination.  Chance favors the prepared person, I have to believe, so I have more than enough diapering supplies (for those who wear them) and changes of clothes (for those who have graduated from diapers, myself included) stashed just in case.  I also like to have on hand amusements like books or soft toys (bearing in mind the risk of such things becoming flying projectiles in the -- God forbid -- event of a collision), and even drinking water and snacks.  I try to anticipate the needs that might arise seemingly out of nowhere and be able to meet them wherever we are.  I might overdo a little in this regard, but again I say, I'd rather be overprepared than under.  To accomplish this logistical feat, I try to do as much preparation in advance as possible.

But in reality, I am fully aware that my best-laid plans are simply those -- plans -- and that they can be altered in the blink of an eye.  And I have humbly come to realize that if we have to be somewhere or have something accomplished by a certain time, that I have to stay focused on getting everyone ready and not let myself get distracted by the proverbial something shiny, even if I think I've got time to spare.  I don't.

Then comes the end of the day, when the baby monitor hums with the sonorous sounds of three sleeping children.  I have a long list of things I need and want to do in that brief time between when they are asleep and when I need to be asleep myself:  dishes, laundry, tidying, sending and answering e-mail, conversing with my beloved, maybe having something chocolate.... Before I know it, it's way later than I intended to still be awake.  Case in point: the time I'm taking to write this post.  My sleep deficit is significant; the need to construct this thought wins out at the moment.

The here and now is all we have.  Making the most of it is a lifelong challenge, I think.  I can only hope to set my priorities and stick to them: to be attuned to the voice of God, to be the person He calls me to be for the people He places in my midst, to not squander the gift of time I've been given with these precious people, to draw out the radiant smiles of those I love... and to somehow work chocolate (preferably dark) into that equation whenever possible.

Sometimes, though, I could swear that time just... evaporated.