if I had a hammer

Variations on a theme:
(can you guess what it is today? -- not that this would distinguish it from very many other days, but I digress)

• "If you want to hammer, do so on your tool bench."
• "That's not a hammer."
• "Hit *balls* with bats -- and not toward the house!"
• "Please save hammering (on your tool bench) for after siesta time."

Really the lads have spent most of the day digging in the dirt box out back (or using plastic carrot-shaped baseball bats as drumsticks for their "concert") or in the sand box at the park where we met some friends for a little while, but the rest of the time...